The Morning Walk

It had been a while since I went on a morning walk. I used to go very often. But, these days life had become very busy. I am in a rush to get to the gym as soon as I can. So that I am at my desk to work at sharp 11. But, today was different. It was a Saturday and I had nothing better to do, than to refresh my mind with a walk.

I locked the door and headed down the stairs. The narrow corridor which connects the two blocks was completely empty. I walked out of the gates and towards the road to the left, which connects our building to the main road. An old woman was also out for a walk and she was walking behind me. Before the road meets the main road, there is a small Badminton court. Three men were warming up, as the fourth one was taking out his gear from the back of his car. I looked at them as they played and one of them looked back at me. I walked ahead towards the main road.

As I neared the main road, I could finally see the sky clearly. It was grey with clouds. I turned left and began walking straight ahead. To the right side of the road, there was a military compound, walled around 8 ft high. It had rounded fence on the top of the wall to avoid anyone climbing and getting on the other side. It was owned by the airforce, and one could hear the roar of the engine, as the flights took off and landed. To the left side of the road, were houses, 2-3 storeys high, some even more, staring towards the military compound. They had an uninhibited view to the military airstrip and the vast stretch of green in the compound.

I walked on looking ahead. The road was grey, mirroring the sky. There were very few people on the road. Once in a while a car or a truck went by, breaking the gloomy silence of the grey morning. A few dogs were roaming around here and there. Some of them had collars while others were without. They would sit on their hind legs and watch the people passing in front of them.  There were many roads which joined the main road on the left, similar to the one which I used before. There were houses on both sides of these narrow roads and were roofed with tall trees. There were hardly any trees on the main road though. I walked on as a light morning breeze blew by.

I was breathing in the fresh air as I walked. A military sentry post came into my sight. It was on the other side of the wall and had glass walls on all four sides. The left glass door stood ajar and the post was empty. I remember seeing a man sitting on a wooden chair in that post, when I last came for a walk around a month back. He had a rifle against one of the corner and was smoking a cigarette. But, today there was no one. Maybe he was taking a break.

I walked till the end of the road, which was around 500 m from where I started. The road ended abruptly as the wall turned left. I turned back at the turn and walked all the way back. Slowly, more people were visible on the otherwise empty road. There was a mother taking her kids to the school. She was holding the hand of the smallest kid and on the other hand she held the strap of their dog. The other two small girls were walking behind her and seemed cheerful. The three kids were wearing white as it was Saturday. A few joggers and walkers passed me by too. The traffic on the road was increasing slowly. I retraced my steps back. Before turning back to the road from whence I came, I looked once again towards the grey sky, beyond the fenced military compound and smiled.

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Being Proactive

Most of us are afraid of controlling our own lives. We fear that if something goes wrong, then we will be the one responsible. So, we let our surroundings take the decision for us. This way we can always blame them for screwing up our lives.

Being proactive is not just about taking the initiative. It means so much more. It means taking the decision and then owning it. Not let the people around you take important decisions for you. Otherwise you will feel like the task has been imposed on you. Rather, go ahead and choose the task. Take all the advice from others, but in the end think clearly about the decision and own it. It’s going to affect your life the most.

Also, we have this tendency of trying to get rid of the responsibility by saying things like, the conditions are not favourable to me, the weather is not good, the market is down, and so on. But, guess what, if you are trying to run away from it, there will always be something or the other than will hinder you. But, if you take charge and move forward with a sense of proactivity, things will start to unfold in your favour. The hurdles will be more like challenges in the way, an opportunity to learn as you continue on the journey.

Can we control our circumstance? Do some degree, but not always. But, what we can do is control our response to the circumstance. That is a proactive approach. That way, even if the circumstance is not very favourable, you can keep your calm and act wisely. You do not let the circumstance control your decisions and actions.

We are emotional beings. We may get feelings attached to the situation. If the situation is good, then you may feel happy, relaxed and you may become too relaxed and become lazy. If the situation is bad, you may feel angry and frustrated and feel like giving up on the task. That is the reactive approach. You are reacting to the situation and are being totally controlled by it. On the other hand, if you are aware of the situation as well as your feelings, they will act as your companions and guide you in your action and decision instead of the feelings acting as your boss and controlling you.

 

Dream vs Reality

Lying here, in the cold and the dark

Trying hard to untangle myself

From the chains of the past

 

I wonder if you would help me

break these chains and free me

Or become a chain yourself and

tie and drag me deeper and deeper

 

To the depts of misty ocean I descend

darkness is all I see around me

It seeps inside me, slowly and sweetly

Clouds my mind and darkens my thoughts

Failing my memory, can’t remember

Who am I, a thing of the past

 

No dreams come in this sleepless slumber

Yet I feel like it is some bad dream

Only if someone would wake me up

and drag me out, show me the light

 

I open my eyes to look around

Only to find shadows of people

Their faces turned away from me

Walking further away, growing smaller

 

What a dark dream it was

But seemed so real and so close

Like something looming about

A beast with eyes glowing in the dark

Stalking its prey and ready to pounce

Gray Morning

A long night and a gray morning.

It’s like the sky is weeping and sun is too ashamed to come out.

The birds are shivering in their nests, not making a single sound.

Chilly wind sending shivers to the spine, but I stand in the dark and the cold, just to fell my heart beating slow and my breath getting cold.

Me and morning become one as I dissolve in the mist.

Little Bird

Somethings I remember, some are long gone

Still somewhere in me, she lives on

Whether I say or remain silent

It doesn’t matter, coz nobody’s listening

In this world so violent

I saw her slowly withering

I watered the roots

But it wasn’t enough

Water was too heavy

Couldn’t get it through

Sometimes I miss her

Sometimes I cry

Hoping she is happy

In the world to which she flied

In hope of salvation

Dark were his thoughts tonight.

Pain was all he felt.

Agony was her only companion with loneliness looming about.

Anger was slowly growling, and frustration reached to its highest.

His last hope was gone.

The boat of salvation has sailed and doors of rejection shut on his face.

There was a hole in the door through which he peeped to get a fleeting glimpse,

To save her forever in his memory, but all he got was calm waves and she was long gone.

Lost forever

He waited for a while and then waited some more. With a beer on the table and almost empty bar. He looked around himself.The bartender was half asleep on his seat. A couple were getting too close and comfortable in the corner table. He tried to ignore them as they might feel conscious. He smiled a little as he had a sip of his beer.

He was pulled in his deep thoughts. He tried to remember her face. But he couldn’t. Time and alcohol had mixed up the lines of her face in his mind. Or maybe he didn’t wanted to forget her and lost the battle with his memory. He was such a coward that he couldn’t tell her what he had deep inside his heart. If only she knew. She always wondered what he was thinking. Only if she knew it was about her. 15 years is a long time, he thought. She must be happy, with her family. He tried to stop the chain of thoughts but he was feeling like a dam of emotions had broken and he was swept in the flow.

Now, he remembered her smile, her laugh. When she would laugh at his silly jokes, the giggles would make his day. But, now most day pass, without a joke. Maybe it was her, who made him funny. He took another sip and went deeper inside his heart. He was such a fool in those days.
He was afraid to lose her, even when she was already lost. He hoped maybe she will somehow come to know about his feelings. He left it all in the hands of destiny. He didn’t knew destiny was so cruel.

“Go home. We are closing now. It’s cold outside. Go home or you will catch cold”, said the bartender. He pitied the guy as he was one of the regulars for last 4 years. They were of almost same age. Every weekend he would come and sit for whole night waiting for someone. Whenever someone was at the entrance, his face would lighten up. But soon he would be sad again. He was a hard-working guy and still unmarried.

“You are closing so early today. What is the matter? Is everything fine?”, asked the man.

“Yes, yes. God is merciful. Everything is fine. It’s just that today, I’m taking my wife and 2 kids to the movies. They must be arriving soon”, he replied with a smile.

“That’s good. I will wait till they arrive. Pour me a last one, will ya”

“Sure, Do you mind if I ask something?”

“No, go ahead”

“For whom you wait here?”

“I don’t wait for anybody. I like your bar and enjoy drinking beer”, he answered timidly.

“I’m sorry if that sounded idiotic. It just seemed to me that way”

“It’s fine. I get that a lot these days”

“Never mind. My kin has arrived. I must go now”

“Sure Sure. I’m also done”

Saying so, he put the glass down, got up and headed for the gate. Two kids of age 9-10 were entering and behind them was a woman. He looked at her face. She smiled and nodded as she passed.

Maybe he was too drunk and imagining things, But now he remembered her beloved’s face.